Hello Philippines, hello world! Today's our first day of classes. I don't know how to feel. Ecstatic? Wretched? Hmm. Happy because I w last tias given a chance to make friends. with other people. Another thing, this is mye to get back on track, to outshine, again. But reality check: when I was there, many opportunities were given away. Sad? Uhh. I'll tell you why. I feel so upset because my friends and I are now separated. Actually, only few of us were withdrawn from the Cream of the Crop, better known as the Star Section. Nostalgic. I hope our friendship will always be there despite the fact that by this time, we're at a distance. Every time I see them, still together, it's so heartbreaking. I can't refrain from telling myself, 'Sana andyan pa din kami. Sana kumpleto pa din ang CHARRRRMED at CARRAMMEL, lalo na ang MASIPAG. ung mas nagsSIPAG lang kami.' For my gorgeous best friends, though we're not constantly together, I want you to know that you'll always be in my heart, for ever and a day, eternally. I will never forget you, guys. The way we have welcomed, loved and treated each other. The friendship that was made within the four walls of III- Masipag. Rumor has it that, Mapagpaubaya is not the section for me, and for the others, regrettably. It might not be the address for us, but the folks out there, they are our family!
Morning. We had our First Friday Mass. Then we had our practice at the AVR.
Afternoon. We prepared ourselves for the upcoming event. They told us that the assembly time would be at exactly 2 PM. We were waiting for them to call us. Well, as expected, everything was settled by 3 PM.
Event itself. It was so memorable! It was my first time to perform in front of a multitude. It was my first time to dance wit somebody special. Thanks to those people who danced wit me! =D Ang sweet ng mga tao at nakakainggit sila! Thanks to my friends na sobrang wild kgabi at nagenjoy ako sa kanila namely Alyssa, Ferilynn, Cha, Carmi, Shali, Jastine, MM, Varrie, Jina, Joana, Mich, Mikmak, Gela, Rap, Carl, Macky, Leo at sa iba pang Masipag. Nakakaasar lang kasi puro pang parteeyy ung music. It would be better if they played love songs. Actually, nagrequest pa kami ni Rap. But they took no notice of us. I understand naman ksi there are people taking advantage. Special thanks din kay Marky na sobrang maasikaso at maalaga while we were together. I had fun. =)
The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part where the end starts.
I can't take it any longer, thought that we were stronger. All we do is linger, slipping through my fingers.
I just can't take your tears. I hate this part right here.
Everyday, 7 takes of the same old scene. Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine. Gotta talk to you now before we go to sleep, but will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me?
I know you'll ask me to hold on and carry on like nothing's wrong. But there's no more time for lies 'cause I see sunset in your eyes.
What is it with guys these days? Why do they always want this stupid setup like you're together but you're not really together?
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
It can happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl, wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong setup ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko, kung kumaen na ba ako. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama, katabi. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano nga ba tlga kayo? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nagaassume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero pwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Pwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya. almost, but not quite.
Finally, after several years of planning, natuloy din ang wedding ng
aking tita- mommy. Tita- mommy because she's like a mother to me. Siya
na nagpalaki saken. Sa bahay nila ako nakatira nung batabatuta pa
lamang ako. We rarely see each other by now kasi she has her work. Pero
dati madalas xa bumibisita dito sa house, nagoovernight. Nagluluto kami
at xa din gumagawa ng homeworks ko. Today is her wedding
day. I should be happy for her. I thought everything will flow
smoothly. I was wrong. I was taking pictures then. When she was walking
down the aisle, my tears fell. Naupo na lang ako. Parang ang sakit
saken tanggapin na hindi na xa ung dati kong tita na aking lang. Ngaun
may kahati na q sa kanya and magkakaanak na xa. I'm afraid we might
lose our closeness. Habang nagaganap ung Wedding Rites,
iyak ako ng iyak. Para tuloy akong tanga. Pinagtatawanan tuloy ako ng
mga pinsan ko. Errr. Well I can't help not to cry. Nalulungkot lang
talaga ako. By September 1, they'll be in Malaysia.
They'll stay there for quite sometime and I will really really really
miss her. She will always be inside my ♥.
Hay. Ang sama sama ng araw. Everything will never be the same again. Sabe nga, when one started to be cold, that's the end of everything. Damn. End na nga ba? Please, no! Sana hindi totoo ung mga nangyayari. Sana nappraning lang ako! Kasi nalulungkot tlga ako!
I was happy in the morning kasi I thought everything will be the same pa dn. Ung closeness and everything. I was wrong. He started to be cold. He's now frosty and uncaring. He's too indifferent. He's around but I can't feel his presence. I'm really sad. Sana hindi na kami gn2 next week. I miss who I thought he was.
Hey. I'm back on track and I'm so happy about that. Haha. There's this guy I really really like. I won't mention the name anymore. Haha. Well, I told his friend what I'm feeling. And it's like, ndi man lang sya nagulat or nagreact. And dito na nagsimula ang lahat. Hindi naq nahihiyang aminin ung feelings ko sa ibang tao. Well I'm so happy where we're at. You know the feeling na kapag matingin lang xa or magkatingin lang kayo, kilig to the bone na? Haha. That's what I feel. The feelings are far different kapag bf mo ung isang tao. Kasi you already know there's mutual understanding. Kasi kapag ung crush mo ung natingin, parang ui! Andun talaga ung spark eh. Mapapaisip ka kung gs2 ba q ne2? Thanks! I'm really happy!
Heya. Andame kong crush. Hehehe. Pero top 1 c tooooot. Mamatay kayo kakahula. Dalawa yan. Ahaha. I'm happy whenever I'm wit him. Aus tlga pag nagkakacrush. Better than having a commitment. One look, mamatay ka na sa kilig. Mapapangiti ka na lng, eh. Haha. Hindi pa kayo nag aaway. Cguro paminsan. Parang tingin mo frends lng kayo pero may more than that na pla. EEEKKK. Di ba kakilig kilig un? Haha.
